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Taliban are really nice guys, standing up to the Americans, the Indians, the Zionists and the Mongols!

Taliban are really nice guys, standing up to the Americans, the Indians, the Zionists and the Mongols!

By Nadeem F. Paracha for Dawn

 

Here’s an ‘enlightening’ exchange between a news TV anchor and correspondents in Swat and Lahore:

… yes, Khalid, what can you tell us about the situation in Swat?

Well, Sameena, the situation in Swat is pretty bad, people are dying, children are starving and women are wailing!

Khalid, our viewers are well aware of the tragedy, but can you tell us any specific details about the army operation there?

Well, Sameena, the army today claimed to have entered the area of Malam Jabba and fired missiles … but what can I say, Sameena, people are dying, children are starving and women are wailing …'

Okay, so tell us a bit more about the army operation today …

This is a conspiracy, Sameena, a big conspiracy to destabilise and destroy and dismantle and demolish Pakistan! People are dying, children are starving and women are wailing …

Take it easy, Khalid. Please calm down. Give us some news on the IDPs.

Sameena, what can I say. Today our cameraman, Shakir, and I visited a refugee camp in Mardan and all I saw was sorrow, grief, pain and utter anger!

Anger against the Taliban?

Of course not, Sameena. Anger against the government, the army, the Americans, the Indians, and the El Salvadorians!

El Salvadorians?

Yes, and Tutsi and Hutu clans of Rwanda as well.

What are you talking about, Khalid?

What else can one talk about these days, Sameena? People are dying, children are starving and women are wailing …”

Khalid, please remember you are a journalist, so please try to remain calm and objective.

Calm? Calm ki ##$@##$%$#! I am a Muslim first, a proud Arab and …

Arab? But you are a Pakistani, Khalid.

Yes, but my ancestors were Arabs.

Right. Of course. Aren’t we all? Anyway, now, let’s stick to the topic. Tell us what kind of aid has so far reached the refugee camps?

Not aid, Sameena, Aids!

Aids?

Yes, what else can you expect from the infidel West!

But the West has donated millions of dollars …

Yes, only so it can use these refugee camps as human labs to create deadlier strains of the Aids virus with which it wants to wipe out all of Pakistan’s Muslim population!

 

Khalid, for heavens sake, you are on TV and we are a respectable TV channel! Just give us the basic details about the situation in the refugee camps. Tell us how is the government coping with the refugee influx.

The influx is not because of the Taliban, Sameena. It is because of the pre-marital fluxing going on in Karachi and Lahore!

Khalid, stop talking rubbish!

I am telling you, Sameena. Like the 2005 earthquake, this too is a curse, the wrath of God due to our sins! Repent, repent!

Okay, Khalid, please tell our viewers about the interviews you did with some of the displaced people. How are they adjusting to the tragedy?

We met this old woman, who had come on foot from Swat.

Okay, so what did she tell you about her ordeal?

 

She was abusing and cursing the government, the army, the Americans, the Zionists, the Indians and the Buddhists of Ceylon for her ordeal!

She was?

Yes, she was.

Did she know any Urdu?

No, she spoke Pashto.

So you know Pashto?

No, I don’t.

Then someone translated what she was saying to you?

No.

Then how did you know what she was saying?

It was obvious, Sameena. This is what every Pakistani is saying: Crush America, crush India, crush Uganda!

No, Khalid, most Pakistanis now want to crush the Taliban …

 

Lies! Western propaganda! The Swat people love the Taliban, they are our Muslim brothers!

But not sisters?

Huh?

Never mind. But what lies? The Taliban are committing cold-blooded murders, bombing mosques, shrines of sufi saints, chopping off heads, flogging women …

Lies, Sameena! They are really nice guys, standing up to the Americans, the Indians, the Zionists and the Mongols!

Mongols?

Yes, Sameena, Mongols.

What are you talking about, Khalid?

No, what are you talking about?

Excuse me?

No, excuse me!

Khalid?

Sameena?

Khalid, we are on national television.

Television? Television is haraam! A western conspiracy to brainwash and corrupt young Muslim minds!

But you work for a TV channel!

I do?

Yes!

Oh.

So, now can we have some real news from you then? Can you tell us if the government is planning an operation in Waziristan as well?

Damn them! Why didn’t you tell me?

Err … you’re the reporter, Khalid.

Right. Of course. But, damn them, nonetheless! This is not our war. A well thought-out plan to destroy Pakistan! I can’t take it anymore…

Khalid, what are you doing? Why are you tearing off your shirt?

This is an outrage, Salma.

My name’s Sameena.

Yes, Sakeena.

Sameena!

Right, Parveen! I just want to tell the viewers, I can’t take this injustice anymore! Crush America! Crush India! Crush Iran!

But Iran is a Muslim country, Khalid.

It is?

Yes.

Then crush Nepal! Enough is enough, God is great! Death to the infidels! Boom!

Khalid? Khalid, are you there? We seem to have lost contact with our Swat correspondent. Anyway, let’s move on to the sports news. Let’s talk to our correspondent, Bashir Ahmed, reporting from the Pakistan cricket team’s training camp at the Gaddafi Stadium, Lahore. Yes, Bashir.

Yes, Baajee.

You can call me Sameena. How is the training camp going?

Pretty bad, Sameena. People are dying, children are starving and women are wailing!

My God! Was there a bomb blast there?

No Sameena. But Shoaib Akhtar pulled his left calf muscle while bowling in the nets.

So?

So, I tell you, Sameena, this is a conspiracy by the Elders of Zion funding Godless multinationals and pharmaceutical companies against Pakistani cricket! This is an outrage. I can’t take it anymore...

 

http://www.dawnnews.net/wps/wcm/connect/dawn-content-library/dawn/the-newspaper/columnists/16-nadeem-f-paracha-smokers-corner-fluxing-with-the-enemy-hs-07

 

Enjoy your day :oP

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Comments

he is right.

unfortunately majority of our conservative educated middle class acts irrationaly and threatened when questioned about taliban. as nadeem F paracha put it....they act like social time bombs that go off when their firmly held beleifs are being proven wrong or even questioned.

 

i have some very good educated university friends that still wont drop this line "but yaar talibans are muslims.....why are we killing them.....and arent they against america...so why are we helping america" their logic is restricted and blocked beyond that.

when i simplified and told them that we have only 2 chioces left now (1) exterminate the taliban or (2) hand the country over to them so they can take us to the 12th century.......my frinds were in a dillemma !!

Let Mr. Nadeem Paracha to go Swat himself and tell us about ground realities

 

Why don't you tel us that kool? Have you been there lately?

Plant a tree

Let Nadeem Paracha go 1st, who is making fun out of this tragedy

 

Make fun of tragedy or the news reporters? Especially those who are playing this tragedy to Taliban's advantage.

Plant a tree

***

NFP stretches it a bit too much..

 

Humor is always an exaggeration or a stretch. That's what makes it funny 

Plant a tree

Stretches it to the limit of ridicule

 

What in particular you found 'stretched'? I think it is beautiful 

Plant a tree

"People are dying, children are starving and women are wailing!"

This is not a joke.

he was not joking about the situation of IDPS. but about the stupid middle class conservative, pro-taliban trash that infests our country and about their mindset.

ppl with a little bit of rationality can understand that how conviniently the conservative trash mindset blames the situation of IDPS (which is indeed grim) on the govt and the swat operation. yes the people are dying, children are starving and women are wailing....but who is to blame?

umar baig: middle class is the silent majority and you cant find a single revolution in teh world which was established by elite class.
dont start on middle class. pakistan was rarely damaged by middle class. it is ruined by elite and upper class which are in fractions and they are controlling majority of wealth.

nadeem paracha should go to swat himself gettign out of his comfortzone and then we will beleive what he is saying.

if they are using the IDP situation for their purposes.. NFP and his 'rational' ilk use the same statement to make pun! Makes them both the same! Ridiculous to the core.

the problem is not with the middle class itself...but the conservative mindset which is mostly prevalant in middle class.

now dont change the topic to middle class. who is to blame for the IDP's....taliban or the govt/operation?  are you saying that the operation shouldnt have been started and the whole northern part of country handed over to taliban? the only thing govt can be blamed is that theyre not doing enough for IDP's or they didnt plan well the IDP situation.

The middle class mindeset was made by the ruling class or 'establishment'. 'Mujahideen' was the term they coined, holy warriors, saviours of Islam, true proponents of Islam. They projected Taliban as the best thing that could happen to muslim countries and now when you want to disentangle from them.. you say the 'conservative mindset' is mostly prevalent in middle class and they wont let it go?

The Taliban apologist dont have this opinion based on 'beheading and chopping' version of Taliban.. they say they just cant do such act! they are pure muslims! 'How can any muslim do that to another muslim?' they will say.

So you guys have to do a lot to change the hearts and minds of 'conservative mindset' insteasd of just shrugging them off as cave dwellers.

Conservatives are master spin doctors. Mianjee's last post was also a failed attempt. Perhaps he is not conservative enough :oD 

Postman, TTP is a terrorist organization involved in beheading, bombing civilians. I don't see how your comparison with NFP is relevant here?

Or perhaps these were the type of discussions NFP was referring to in his editorial. The irrational arguments and bizarre comparisons. Blaming everyone else but the Taliban, desperate to justify their brutalities. Comparing to everyone and everything. The IDPs, the Russians, the Americans, the Indians, the Iranians, anything which they can throw at us.

 

Plant a tree

The Conservatives who support 'Taliban' ideology of puritanical Islam (not the beheading and the chopping type) and NFP are two opposite camps.

If the taliban apologists are being accused of using "People are dying, children are starving and women are wailing!" to explout the situation - so is NFP types using the same mantra to ridicule the other camp! They both are exploiting the suffering of IDPs for their ends and its pathetic! Conservativesand Liberals both are pathetic in this respect!

 

'Puritanical Islam' & who defines it? Unless, for the sake of this argument, you have agreed to treat tribal culture from Arabia and Persia as 'puritanical Islam', I don't see how these conservatives are supporting it through backing this ideology. One after another buzz, I have demonstrated that Quranic teachings are completely opposite to what conservatives see as Islam in Pakistan.

NPF is a journalist, who decided to write about those who are exploiting IDP miseries to talk against army operation. These are the same people who opposed the operation from the very start. Most certainly they are no friends to Pakistan and perhaps neither to Islam.

'someone' defined it and were made acceptable to majority of the pakistanis. Don't go this route of Taliban or good or bad or whether they are aganist Quran - I dint talk about it.

NFP and their opposite camp BOTH exploit the miseries of IDPs. They to promote 'anti americanism' and NFP types use it to ridicule their opposition. NFP woud have ben better off had he written 'Its due to America and Jews!" ad nauseum instead of""People are dying, children are starving and women are wailing!" because its not a joke!

 

NFP was in jail in Zia's era. Was very active in opposing US support for Musharraf too.

Zionist can be blamed and so can be Indians  and American where its due. Our current IDP problem has nothing to do with any of those three. 

Plant a tree

for IDPs Govt is more responsible than fanatics

1-they used wrong strategy , why didnt they use commando tactics in order kill their elders??? why massive action used which dispalced and killed civilians???

2-Govt didnt plan any thing about IDPs , if they were going to launch an operation , why they were so ignorent to forsight it??
nto a single camp was established , better were those who were against operations but then did alot for IDps.
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I beleive that after 20 years Babar like peopel will eb speakign against NAWFP army operations just like he does abotu east pakistan oeprations. Then he will becoem intellectual enough to find war crimes in this operations.

errrr......... moutain out of a mole hill :|

 

People like Babar spoke against Bengal operation when it was being carried out by Mianjee like people. And Babar like people talked against Afghan Jihad and so called Mujahideen back in 1980s same as they are doing so even today.

Plant a tree

there is a difference b/w people who question the govts STRATEGY to fcuk the fanatics

and those who question whether the fanatics should be fcuked at all.

 

very noteworthy point umar :-)

Few years ago our army was calling talbans as "ababeels" today they are calling them monsters. Those who created them are national criminals, must be punished.

politics makes strange bedfellows, my friend

The greatest national criminal died in a plane crash. His commanders on ground included Jimaat-e-Islami and General Hamid Gul, who polluted minds of innocent young Pakistani boys to kill people and get killed in the name of Jihad, and they are still alive.

It was indeed a Jihad, Americas Jihad on Soviet Union. Americans didn't even fired a single shot, laid a single life to mission accomplish. They had enough idiot 'Mujahadin' to do that for them.

Plant a tree

From Ayub khan till Syed Mushraf all did same thing, wagging their tails in front of Americans. They all are national criminals. All our Generals thought that sun rise from back of their ass.

babar: e will fight abotu afghan jihad some other day.

peopel like you opposed bengal operation and we supported, at least we learnt something and now we are opposing it because we have seen that use of force cantbe helpful anywhere.
now situation is worst there. those fanatics come down from hills and after 3 4 minute shoot out go back in hide outs. then where our army fires rockets and 500 pond heavy bombshells???? if the miscreant belong to a tribe, should that whole tribe be punished??? in many months operations still they couldnot manage to kill the elders...why?

ISPR is the only source of information because no media people allowed to go there. It is teh same ISPR which was telling us Bengolies are traitors and balochies are indian agents. we beleive them and laters we came to know that that was all propoganda.both were askign for their rights.

if a Gen(zia and regeim) used us for amarican fight in afghanistan, what is the sureity that these are not using us for amarican fight thsi time????? if those were sellable so these are.

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Umar baig, i doubt you can fuck them(not because they are pathan), UK tried for 93 years but couldnot, USSR tried for 10 years but didnt. Kill those fanatics but what about those masses who are suffering...if tommorow those 45 lac population of that area comes with stories like east pakistan, what will be you able to do???

army is aiming at mirage

 

Oh I see, fabricated tales of 1000 kids killed at Lal mosque has started to emerge for Swat operation too. When are we going to rid ourselves of these fabricated conspiracy theories and start to see things clearly? 

I wonder if it was mirages who were executing and beheading people in Swat? Mind you we are not fighting against Tribal here, we are fighting a specific criminal gang with Tribal being on our side, hence comparison with British or with USSR is quite bizarre.

I know Taliban sympathisers must be shifting in chairs, desperately waiting to cook something so their Taliban brethren can be saved from this punishment.

The silly comparison of Bangladesh with Swat is completely insane. Here you are fighting against people who were killing innocent Pakhtoon civilians there you were the one killing innocent Bangali civilians. In swat you are killing criminals in Bangal you were the criminals.

Apparently its JI sympathetics (Mostly Punjabis) who are calling it an operation against Paktoons while Paktoons themselves are happy to let army finish off these band of criminals. 

ah, if it is fabricated then your bangla stories are also fabrictaed. mukti bahni was also killign pro-pakistanies.

Dont start on punjabies ......JI has mor roots in NWFP.

go ahead and kill talibans instead of using airfighters and heavy artlery.

I am here and you are here and we will see what you get out of this leased war which named as our own.

 

Leased war which we named as our own was the one Zia and its keep JI fought in 1980s against USSR. Today we are fighting to save lives of Pakistani citizens. 

Plant a tree

Swat was a killing field Mianjee.. it is our war.

Fighting an unconventional war in conventional way,,,,,, isn't like aiming at mirage

 

You don't know who is funding these monsters, without knowing your real enemy, ,, u r aiming at mirage.

 

IDPs have reservation about this military action, so without the support of local people u can't win it,,,,,, still aiming at mirage

 

Those who said operation will finished in 3 moths, (it can take years) it’s an unrealistic approach,,,,, like aiming at mirage

 

Do we have resources to keep on military action and humanitarian work on such scale, miscalculated things are like,,,,,,, aiming at mirage

 

Since 2004, sending troops to this area, things are not improving, getting worst

  

There is no difference of opinion taking action against Lal masjid gang, but there are different ways to use force, those they knows the location of lal masjid, knows 1 month of  blockade was enough to control the situation..

 

babar for ur kind information, I was never supporter, sympathizer, or member of JI or IJT .

And I believe 99.9% Pakistani don’t support Taliban style.

 

 Every Pakistani want an indigenous policy against Talban,

 

avoid personal and ethnic attacks

 

If you please provide substantial evidence to support all your above claims kool, I will be ready to agree on your assertion of 'aiming at mirage'. So far these are based on mere 'conspiracy theories'.

What personal and ethnic attacks? I am a Punjabi too and more then that I am a Pakistani. There is nothing wrong in being critical of oneself. 

Plant a tree

mr babar:
explain me, ISPR says "talibans come from hills and after ambush disappear there."

then at whom they are bombing??? hills?

or talibans are gathering in mosques which are beign bombed???

i recommend you to meet IDPs and they will let you know with which fear they left their homes....

 

Is this your substantial evidence? These myths cooked in Mullah conspiracy factories?

I have dedicated a special buzz for these crap:

http://buzzvines.com/let-nuts-be-nuts

Plant a tree

Mianjee,

Could you please tell me the strategic purpose of the pak army bombing hills and mosques if it were not to eliminate the taliban ?  the pak army has legal control of the country and they are just trying to take that control back.

As far as guerilla warfare goes, isnt that what the taliban or for that matter, any other insurgency uses ? people as human shields and places of worship as protected places ??

Following is a typical response to your argument befair, Enjoy reading: 

How dare you..you Hindu! Taliban is nice guy....Americans, the Indians, the Zionists and the Mongols are the very bad people :oP BTW you are Indian and Hindu..... so you double.... bad, BADx2 :OD

It did not make me racist by calling you bad .... because you a Hindu. Hindu pray 1000 fake gods.... Because racist means discriminating with nigro guy....we don't see bad all nigros, just the none Muslim ones are bad....& you are not nigro you are brown - as we are brown...same same...see we call you bad too...so we no racist 

And yes [I am referring to Shahrukh Khan Buzz here] if things start to go seriously wrong against us.....we will ban it. BAN BAN BAN. Because Muslim are not bad....Muslim don't loose a cricket match, cricket team did....when they win, then they are Muslim only

All those killing muslim calling themself Taliban are lying...they are not Taliban, they are mangols, funded by Jew and Hindu and Umreka. Take their pants off they not circumcised. Why why why why why? 

Plant a Bush

LMFAO Babar! this is really really good :-) the words and grammar so complement each other :-)

I really missed out on the meanings of Khanzeer and Kanjir.  I was really hoping to add two "Khaaliz" pakistani gaalis to my repertoire - alas, the admins acted before I could check any responses :-)

 

mianjee, which outcome will make you happier?

(1) the armed fanatics in northern areas are all exterminated and the people return to their homes in a short time...the operation is successful, no more suicide bombings, USA and other shut their mouths once and for all for not doing enuff etc. the tribals are intimidated and they yield to the writ of pakistan.

(2) OR this turns out to be a disaster.. the operation prolongs and even fails, IDP situation worsens, suicide bombings increase.

 

i suspect you would prefer the latter. its a shame that you would prefer to have your PROPHECY fulfilled rather than have the good of the country (the first scenario. you want to have the fun of sayinh "see, i told you.....it was a conspiracy...we should have made a pact with the turd sufi mohammed"

 

i made this point earlier and in case you missed it......

there is a difference b/w people who question the govts STRATEGY to fcuk the fanatics

and those who question whether the fanatics should be fcuked at all.

 

 

 

 

British, Russian and now American are failed to change dynamics of this area. What make us to feel, that we can do it by militarily. Are we more smart????

 

We been harbouring them all along. If anyone CAN actually do the job, Its only us. This is high time to clean our society from this dirty laundry of Zia's dictatorship. 

Plant a tree

There is no military solution to this problem ; the Russians have been fighting the Chechens for 300+ years, Indians have been fighting Kashmiri's for 60+ years, Sir Lankans have been fighting the Tamils for 30+ years (this war is not over by any means), British have fought the Irish off and on since 1919 and the unstable peace is the result of eventual negotiations and recognition of the rights of the Irish, we all know all too well the example of the Palestinian struggle. History is simply replete with examples of gueriilla warfare where after years of bloodshed the two sides eventually find peace through negotiations and reconciliations; so why not start the process with that?

Mind explaining how you compare secular struggles like Kashmir, Tamil and Irish with that of Taliban fascists? What independence/seperation are they demanding? What indigenous community are they representing?

Khalifah you have got a good thinking head over your shoulders man. Please stop taking these arguments of Imran Khan's on its face value and examine them using your knowledge and information.

There is no comparison between all of those indigenous struggle (including Baluchistan) for rights of an ethnic population and a fascist group that can only be compared with that of Hitler Nazi party at its worst. 

Plant a tree